abrupt turn

We recently found out that our birth mom decided to change her mind on the adoption plan.  She decided to parent baby Alijah.  

To be honest, this was a hard truth to hear.  We had made minimal preparations but were hoping that these preparations were for a little boy named Alijah.  God seemed to have quickened our wait time, opened all doors to this particular adoption, and was providing financially.  We even loved the name his mom picked out.  It felt like a perfect match for our family.  Then one afternoon we got the call that had us do an abrupt turn.  We found out Alijah would not be coming into our home.  We had cleared our schedules, made tentative plans, and even changed our plans for Thanksgiving.  All for nothing?  At that abrupt turn we knew we had a choice to make.  Do we waller in a pity party and ask God "why?" or do we look to God and ask "what are you teaching me...what are you up to?"

I've had a couple of weeks to reflect and prayerfully ask God to reveal to me what he is up to.  While I don't pretend to have God all figured out...I am sure of some things he is teaching me through this.

1.  Alijah's name means "my God is the Lord".  When people go through times of disappointment/difficulty , their beliefs about God's character will be tested.  Do I really believe that God is sovereign?  Is He really in control of what happens in my life? When "B" changed her mind, my view of God being sovereign strengthened.  He's up to something.  He's in control thank goodness! Whatever child he chooses to place in our home...I want it to be the child He chooses.  I will be spending the rest of my life with the child he chooses.  That's a big deal.  The name Alijah will always be special to me now.  It will always be a reminder that "my God is the Lord".  He is in control.  Alijah is where he is supposed to be.

2.  It's not about me.  Maybe this abrupt turn has nothing to do about me and everything to do about "B".  I have no idea what her life circumstances are.  I have no idea where she stands with the Lord.  What I do know is that because we were paired together for a couple of months I prayed for her many times.  I prayed that God would clean up the circumstances of her life so that she might be able to parent Alijah.  Maybe he answered my prayer?  I was able to send her a letter of encouragement with scriptures.  Many of you lifted her up in prayer and continue to do so.  I have her email address and after finding out about the change of mind...I emailed her.  I told her that we hope she had a safe delivery and healthy baby and that we were honored to have the privilege to pray for her during this difficult time of life.  I told her we will continue to pray God's blessings over her and Alijah's life.  My prayer is that our response will demonstrate to her in some way God's grace.  Maybe she has never experienced grace before? 

3.   I have no regrets.  Jesus commands me to take up my cross and follow Him.  We KNOW we are on the right path with domestic adoption through Gladney.  This in NO way changes my mind.  We are on an adoption journey.  A journey that promises ups and downs and abrupt turns.  I'm not scared of these things because I know God will provide anything we need as we walk in faith and obedience.  I hope God uses this abrupt turn in our adoption story to encourage others to adopt.  The disappointing things you imagine about adoption do happen sometimes.  But THAT is not the worst thing in the world.  What's worse is millions of children without moms and dads to love and take care of them and Christian families that are called to care for orphans and widows don't obey because they are scared to get hurt in the process.  It's all about perspective.

There are many more things I am learning but don't want to bore you with them here.

God is good all the time.  Thanks for praying for us.  And when you think of it....continue to pray for "B".

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11